Why many people fail to find a life partner

(and what you can do about finding yours)

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Brought to you by SingleDating.com

A fundamental reason for failure

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Let's look at an example. We'll call our imaginary guy in this example Steve. He's imaginary but he represents the real circumstances of many people. Let's say he's 27 years old, has never been married but has lived with someone for four years, and before that he had several girlfriends. Now he has access to the internet. He goes to SingleDating.com and can see at once how valuable a dating service is going to be to him. It will allow him to make contact with a wide range of women and make initial assessments about them before he chooses to take the next step of meeting one or more of them face to face. He joins the service and gets in contact with several women who he likes the look and sound of. One in particular stands out for him. Let's call her Sherri. She is good-looking, lively and in her emails to him she seems a lot of fun. He dates Sherri several times and quickly decides that she is the one for him. Then she calls him to say she thinks they should cool it for a bit. What did Steve do wrong?

He didn't even realise he was doing it. He had definite things he wanted from the relationship and he expected to get them. For example, he liked to go out with his buddies three or four nights a week. Sherri didn't want to restrict him, but it ended up that she was only seeing him once a week. She wanted to see him more, and didn't feel that this was unreasonable.

This example could be about anything from playing too much golf to watching too much television. The point is that both people in a relationship have to make adjustments to their life style if the relationship is to last. The other person has to be let into your life.

But it can be worse. Not realising the mistakes he's been making, Steve -- our imaginary guy -- goes on to date Zandra. Mindful of how his relationship with Sherri failed, he decides it's not going to happen this time. Does he attempt to put himself in her shoes and ask himself what she wants? Does he heck! Instead, because he feels under threat of failure he goes a stage further than just doing what he wants to do at his girl friend's expense. This time he tries to get her to do what he wants. He tells her not to waste her time going bowling -- something she loves -- and not to waste her time going to visit her mother because her mother is an old busybody who doesn't deserve Zandra's time (of course, the hidden message is 'do what I want you to do').

Needless to say, Steve's relationship with Zandra lasts an even shorter time than his relationship with Sherri. "Women!" he complains to his buddies at the bar he goes to, "there's no pleasing them." His buddies nod in agreement, looking downcast into their beer glasses.

This bunch of losers will all still be single and staring into their beer when they're seventy!

Now, in the above example we've used Steve, a man, but we might just as easily have used Stevie, a woman. Then the details would have been different, but the result would have been the same: single, and rather bitter about it. Women are just as susceptible to falling into this trap as men.

Give a new relationship time

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You have to give things a little time to see if the person you are emailing or dating is going to turn out to be someone who you are going to deeply care about. The way someone seems to you after a few meetings is going to change once you get to know that person better. In a few months or even weeks that person will appear to be a very different person to you than they seemed at first. Most likely, they will even look a little physically different to you (this is because your relationship with the person will -- in your mind -- have become inextricably tied up with their appearance).

If you believe that the person you are dating is someone you can deeply care about and you are already beginning to do so, then you have to give that person's feelings at least as high a priority as your own. If you do not, but for example, the other person _does_ give your needs a high priority, then the relationship may work for a while. But it will be one-sided and is unlikely to last. It will not be a healthy situation for either person in the relationship. The situation can arise, of course, where someone is trying much _too_ hard. Running after the other person all the time at the expense of his or her own feelings. As in all things balance is needed. One-sided relationships are unlikely to last.

The bottom line is: both partners in a relationship have to try to give the other's needs and feelings equal priority to their own if that relationship is to last (If both partners put the other above themselves to some extent then this can be successful too, as long as _both_ do so). There's no two ways about it. Don't follow this ‘balance’ rule and sooner or later there will be no relationship. This is what a relationship is -- not someone getting out of life what they want, but someone participating in a partnership, taking what they need from the relationship but giving back the same amount or more.

The people who date and date again, year after year -- sometimes decade after decade -- and never form a lasting relationship may be missing this important point. A relationship is a two-way thing. That's its definition. There is no such thing as a one-way relationship (at least, not for very long).

Of course it's not always easy to put the other person before yourself, as you inevitably must at times in a relationship. It takes effort and sometimes sacrifice. But ultimately it's very rewarding indeed -- for most people the most rewarding aspect of their entire lives. And remember, the alternative to putting in the effort is easy to predict: no relationship at all.

So, when you join SingleDating.com, bear in mind the contents of this report. You have to serve your own needs, of course, but if you are to form a lasting relationship with one of the people you meet here, you have also to appreciate the fact that you must learn to serve the needs of the other person too, if the relationship is to be a success and to last.

-- The Romance Guys at SingleDating.com

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Disclaimer: The advice in this report is intended to help people achieve better, lasting relationships. It is, however, only advice and not a prescription for how you should conduct your relationships. The authors of this report cannot be held responsible for relationships which fail either as a result of taking the advice in the report or not taking it. Accessing the contents of this report is an acceptance by the user of these terms and conditions.

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